New Study Finds That Listening To Metal Increases B.O. By 87%


   Anyone that has been to a metal concert, or metal festival for that matter has come into direct contact with a high concentration of body odor radiating off of metal fans. Some claim that this is an issue of cultural refusal to wear deodorant, but a new scientific breakthrough may shatter that stereotype of the metal community. 

 A new study published by the University of MSPB finds that the progressive action of listening to Metal Music and its subgenres increases the chemicals and enzymes that produce what we know as body odor. Cys-Gly-3M3SH mixed with the enzymes that our body produces has been identified by scientists to create the stink the resonates from human pits. 

This direct link attributing to the horrible smell that many metalheads were often found with can solve the age-old joke that metalheads smell bad because it truly isn't their fault. The case study done by the University of MSPB found a direct link of metal music usage to nearly an increase of the chemicals that create B.O. by nearly 87%, which is a groundbreaking statement, to say the least. The other percentage of that group when filling out forms later revealed while they did listen to metal, they also either had KPop in their playlists, or they listened to NPR. 

To make fun of these metalheads now due to their uncontrollable secretion of these smells would be an atrocity to anyone's morals- just as we don't make fun of Lana Del Rey fans for being generally insane. We shouldn't make fun of Gorjira fans for smelling like week-old warm hamburger meat with a side of rotten eggs. 

"It was almost heartbreaking," Jason Consew said in an interview, "I was used to being made fun of for the neckbeard, the extra weight, but no matter how many time's I sprayed on an extra layer of my favorite Axe Body Spray, the smell never went away. I assume I had just become nose blind to it but when I was told at a Lamb Of God concert that I made some guy's wife vomit when I threw myself onto her in a moshpit because of how... I don't know how to phrase it." Jason paused for a moment, and our interviewer filled in for him, helping him through the difficult conversation. "Rank?" "Yes, that's the word." Jason continued. "Rank, that's the best way to explain it- smell. I really had to take a step back and think of what caused this. So I went home, got a nice bag of my favorite salt and vinegar chips and I messaged my favorite discord group, to connect and coordinate with them about this issue. They lead me to so many articles and Reddit threads of real metalhead men like me having the same issue." 

These exact Reddit threads are what lead the University of MSPB to carry on their study, as well as branch out the researching the genetics of people that listen to metal. While lots of the questions are up in the air right now, maybe soon the mystery of the smelly metalhead will be solved. 

Until then, we can only support our metal community with nose blind solidarity. 


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